Lonely...

Sometimes, the mind becomes blank... so blank that nothing seems good, nothing seems well.. an idle feeling surpasses all others and a sense of nothingness prevails all over the mind..

That is what i feel now... what's wrong with me ?

I really don't know...

Nothing at this moment seems alright. I tried sleeping and it was all in vein..

Then I sat up, opened the notepad and started writing what you are reading now.. I plugged in my iPod.. Opened the album "Us..." and played the track "Loneliness"..

This track of mine, one of the very few tracks which i composed sometimes back is very special to me...

It's rather frustrating if heard in right state of mind.. but I created the track to fit my mind when I would be in a condition like this.

The track was accidentally created when I was exploring a sound mixing software called Acid Pro and checking its VTS services.. It just has few notes, 6 to be exact played continuously in a manner that it will, with a guarantee from me, frustrate you!

But believe me.. when you are frustrated, this will soothe you.. like its doing to me.. I will attach a downloadable copy of this track with this post.. hope it will soothe your mind in times like this.

Loneliness by koustavghosh
(You can download it by clicking on the (down) symbol beside the player)

Music has been my passion since I don't remember when, and while I grew up, my music preferences started to expand.

The last i can remember, the first signifant preference of mine was bengali hard rock.. to be exact the tracks of the Band "Fossils".. before that I wasn't introduced to rock music of anykind.. neither Western, nor indegenous.. the songs really made a mark in my growing mind and I, with my friend Prantik Mukherjee became ardent follower of Rupam Islam.

I, then already had a girlfriend and a healthy relationship with her.. still, the sense of emptiness in the songs composed by him and the band were absorbed in my mind and it became a bit of Gothic type..

Trust me, now when I recall those days, I can't stop laughing but, its true that I wrote a few songs and the music was given to it by my friend Prantik.

There were uncountable days when, while in the recess, we (me, Prantik and sometimes Satyaki) would conquer an empty classroom and sing aloud our songs with the only percussion- the benches..

One of those songs which I still remember is 'Bishakto'..first two lines of it where like this :

Sohorer asahyo roddure, ami thakchina, thakbona
Tumi amae chhere chole gecho, tobu tomae chhara bachbona

( In the unbearable sunny city, i'm not staying, i'll leave
You have left me long long ago, still without you I won't live )

No one did actually leave me.. but this sense of being alone after the one you love has left, this feeling I enjoyed unconditionally...

Now it feels silly, madness in the meddling teens, it was silly maybe......

Since then I started to be attracted towards the feeling of any song, it's music or the lyric whatever it may be... and since then my exploring through the music of the world started...

Even today also, I emphasize on the feeling of a song.. a film or any piece of art whatever comes in my mind... I judge it by my intellect and follow my inner urge toward any particular thing..

Then i shifted my outlook towards the Indian classical music..which itself is another story which I perhaps will tell you..

This is about a piece of me...

Its 2:25 in the morning and I'm signing off..

P.S. The track is still a mystery to me.. i don't know how it works, but IT DOES!
Check it out by yourself..