A Current State of Mind

Writing is something which perhaps makes me calm right now. A phase of inflection is always interesting but tiresome. Tiredness of the mind. A change is observed in my writing style.. 

A life of interesting chain of events and a continuous dynamic flow of time has always made me curious about the world. If you have read my other blogs, in each of them I have tried proving a point. 

It was that phase of my life, when I was trying to understand others, the world, its nature, the cause and effect through ages and so many other stuff. 

A hungry social need of recognition was always impacting my thoughts and directing it towards understanding the contradiction. May be that is a part of me. As Ray has explained in his interview with Shyam Benegal in 83-84, Bengal has always been a seat of contradictions and mostly that is a universal inner conflict that has existed because of different actions and psyche of the people, resulting into sharp divisions in opinions and slowly that became a tendency. And sometimes it leads to unnecessary mandates, laws, rules, decisions and mindsets, causing different behavior of people at different phases of their minds and different sphere. 

After many years, a shift in the need is observed. Feuds are good but they take too much of your mind space and affects others. It is better sometimes to just ignore the conflict and moving towards the goal. The greater good. 

War, one of the many established greater goods have always made me curious. Since the first battle of Neanderthal to, the battle of Athens, in may be some three figured BC or BCE, till the World War II, human has shown same nature but in their own unique customized way. After-all.. its every one of us who think, that they are unique and they have a decision making CPU which takes it's own commands in decision making process. A natural form of Artificial Intelligence.

My current state of mind seeks responses according to the current values in my mind. According to the law of attraction, I have reached where I have reached due the impact of cause and effect and my current state of mind as well as my own responses depends on this "now" kind of thing.. Not easy to explain, but one thing is evident.. That's what is painting my frames of the future. 

What an interesting piece of time and matter. The domain and the never ending vlc player where someone put on the ▻(Play) button maybe some 13.7 Billions years back and forgot to perss Pause or Stop. :P 

The early signs of calmness appeared in this world, because every unbalanced force try to balance the equation with an exact need in alteration of inner self and the outer one. A very complex process leading us to what we are now.

For me the first quadrant has been crossed. The childhood ended with a boom. The world of Corporate attracted and here I am doing what has to be done.. and in fact it has to be done otherwise the purpose or the objective wont be fulfilled which will hamper the course of growth. 

Now the difference between the last and the immediate phase of my mind is that, the purpose has changed. Also that has affected the priorities. 

A new start again!!

This lazy guy got an app of google blogs in his Windows Phone and is trying to move its lazy ass to speak his mind.. But the question is who will read this and why.. Who the hell am I that anyone will even care to get some time to read this and think for a while.. The world is busy.. Am I a part of that.. Don't know.. So.. Writing for my own sake or for you if you are reading this.. Life has changed and so am I lets see where this one goes to...

I am back!

It's been ages since I sat down to write something. Life is fast, life is harsh, life is cruel, bullshit! It's all about human.. It's all about me, my mind, my intentions, my own deeds.. good or bad.. I have to face it! I create my own destiny that's what is the only truth about life. I have learnt this in past one year ( to be exact )!

Been through a lot of turmoil...

My own base weakened, my very existence jeopardized..

That was the beginning of the downfall. May be I was responsible for that. Well this is something someone taught me. Trying not to blame someone else for what is happening in one's life.. It is something which is impossible in this world. And not true always, sometimes things are out of one's hand.. The samething happened to me. Growing up adhering to one nature and suddenly I have to change that is nearly impossible!!

The way the desert absorbs and can hold a single drop of water over it, my life was devoid of peace. Such was my mental condition it was like a grenade whose pin is taken off and can blast any minute.

A frustrated person actually hates his frustration! ( Well of course he does! :P ) And strives to rescue himself from its grasp. But generally mind doesn't work in a way it should at such points.

So there I was. Amidst my desert searching for an oasis. Got a few but all came out to be mirages. Other aspects of life hampered. My life force almost destroyed in this effort. Basic relations shaken down.. Attitude became unstable.. Reality was against me!

I wasn't me. I became a mere shadow.. a forced existence.. Forcefully acting to be happy. Trying to coin the illusion as reality to myself and acting as if it was.

Slowly the conveyor belt of life was taking me towards the end. Not actually the end of life, but the end of my existence, my own self!

Then something happened. A flash of light for a second in a dark existence. It was serene, it was hope, it was the key, it was my only way to be a human.. again..

What happened was a magic! It was not what I was searching for, but a far more better solution to my problem. It was the reality. Nothing really escapes the eyes of reality and the same happened! My history was questioned and I was taken to task! I had to overcome it.. I just had do and I did!

It happened! I again lived.. Better than ever..

It was the "best"est event that ever happened in my life..
She was the "best"est one I ever came by and ever will...

Love her....

A note regarding points of views

Back after a long long time..

The world has changed pretty much in the meantime. So has changed my life. But it’s the same me. Striving in a world that calls itself civilized, with its positive traits and negative too.

I am still fighting against the norms and basics of this society. Trying to bring a change in me.

But I can never accept the theory which allows people to criticize me without giving me an acceptable solution.

No one in this world in 100% right or 100% wrong. So, who has the right to criticize about the righteousness of the others ? Yet the world keeps on doing so. Saying biased things, yet claiming not to be. The world has so many points of views. Everyone has it, everyone has to have it. That’s obvious. But that doesn’t mean that, that someone will slander the others points of views by verdicting it to be wrong!

Logic at a point is of course necessary but we need to understand this that what logic prevails today weren’t prevailing in a distant past. Someone or the other conceived that in their mind. So, logics can be formed, discovered, created and redefined ... and that is what some people do….even though that might be just a handful.

This is a very controversial topic ‘cause, somepeople might say that by this logic one can kill someone and claim that it’s right cause it’s his point of view. But to be very practical,  there are mass killers who are respected in the society and even worshipped.

Example, the people who were involved in the freedom struggle of India, today are worshipped as legends, yet to some, they were terrorists, and bad people. So? Does that stop us to worship it?

What I am saying is not socially accepted but is prevalent in the society among the ones who makes just the opposite norms. So, this is just a paranoia, a one sided biased, partial decisions made by people to serve their own interests. One can not stop it ....the paradox is…..one can not change the ever changing society ( pun intended).

I have heard a saying somewhere… “People fear what they don’t understand” .
That is true. But the fact is that not everyone is capable of being different and with it maintain the the task of keeping the balance.. For that u need leadership…you need to be the shepherd to guide the ignorant flock of masses…and people has to have their faith in the one they follow.
But for those who can live with ideologies deviated directly from the society, they are most welcome to do so. One has the right to decide what he wishes to follow. But you cannot deny the Ultimate truth.

A person is born in this world, he lives his life and at the end, whatever or whoever might he be, die with his identity .if he is reborn, the identity of his previous life has died. So, we got one life, one lifetime and one chance. If that person wishes to live a life of his own he is more than welcome to do so. Nothing is absolute. So one must use his intellect and reason to justify to himself what that person is doing. If it is something positive ( positive doesn’t mean what the society has defined “positiveness”’), he will get back the same and if it is negative, he will get back it too! That’s what we call Karma or in a term more familiar and perhaps scientific, the law of cause and effect.for example, if a person kills someone terminally ill and in immense pain,it it would relieve someone from life long suffering and if he kills the person with that intention, then he is of course creating a positive karma for him, even if the world and what we call the law shuns it. But suppose, if someone does the same with an intention in mind, like acquiring the dead person’s properties, even if he is doing something good from the point of view stated above, he is acquiring a negative karma. So, in the end it’s all in our minds and our intentions. So I believe one must be careful about his intention. I have experimented with this hypothesis and at the end got desired results.
That’s what a part of my point of view is.
If you like it, great.
If you don’t, I respect that….
So long.. if you like it, don’t forget to “recommend” it to others, if you don’t, never mind. Sorry if I sound rude, I don’t intend to be so….

Satyajit Ray : Part 1

It is said that the blood inherits the qualities of the
ancestors… Satyajit Ray was one such man I have known. A versatile
genius, he was and what a personality! Being the son of the master of nonsense
rhyme, Sukumar Ray and the grandson of the father of
the half-tone printing technology, Upendra Kishore Roy Chowdhury, Ray may had inherited the merit, the talent
which he in his later life expressed with any of the forms of art he was
involved with. Like the concept of Philosopher’s
Stone ( Bengali – parash pathar), what ever

he touched turned out to be pure gold.. Be in drawings, cinema, fiction, music,anything.. He was a master
of creativity.

Ray was born in 1921 in Garpar
Road in a house, which was built by his grandfather and it was also a printing
press for many books written by Upendra Kishore and a
magazine for children called “Sandesh”, which was edited
by him. Ray, since his childhood was interested in that and many a times, used
to scribble gibberish in a piece of paper and used to go to the man at the
press and said in a bold voice,”it has to be
published in the next issue of Sandesh ( Eta ebarer Sandesh e berobe)”..

From his memoirs of childhood, “Jokhon Choto Chilam” ( When I was a child ).. I got to know about his childhood,
the Ray family, the Kolkata in the early 20^th Century and many
things.

Since my childhood is have been reading his books and
watching his movies.. Even as a child of 21^st

century, in the age of animations and special effects, I found those amuzing and thoughtful..

At the age of 12 perhaps, I first saw the movie “Nayak” ( The Hero ) which I hardly understood. As I grew
up, in different phases of my teenage and manhood, I interpreted it in
different ways and I still do.. unknowingly

it became one of my all-time favorites and the most favorite movie by Ray..

Pather Panchali (The
Song of the Little Road) was a new experience for me when I was around 14
perhaps. I am thankful to the almighty to have been born in a family where I got
to be imbibed
with so rich culture ( the word rich isn’t related to money). I got to read so many books in my childhood
and so many movies to watch, that it made me what I am today..

( though I don’t know what exactly I am)..

One after another, I went on watching movies by Ray, which
ever came in my hand and were amused each time and never did the quality of
this movies, the concept, the script, the technique with which he handled themand especially the music..

Music was one such thing that reminds me… I was a Ray-maniac.. It makes me laugh but while I was 8 or 9, my father
bought me a cassette of the songs of the two “Gupi-Bagha”
movies and I remember to play them in a Walkman, and used to sing the songs
with the playback and used my fingers to keep the beats on the plastic cassette
covers..

I excavated a 2 cassette collection of Ray’s compositions, “Music
of Satyajit Ray”.. actually I found out the first cassette but the second was missing..
I started listening to those, and inspite of not
having watched any of the movies except one ( Goopy gyne Bagha Byne)
of them, I listened to them like a maniac.. (I am glad to be one), over and
over and over again.. I forced my father to buy the collection
again so that I could get the second volume of it, and later at an elder age, I
bought the digitally mastered disc and it is something I often play and listen.. The tracks which I have, perhaps, listened a thousand times
seems fresh to me.. I get mesmerized at the feelings,
the moods which are impacted upon my mind by those few instruments, a mixture
of eastern and western.. Indeed in the field of music,
Ray has his own niche..

I constantly read as many biographical books related to Ray
and after a lot of reading, his life is like a clear picture to me.. I was born just months before he died, but his life is
fresh in my imaginations..

The years he spent as a commercial artist, how he married
his love of childhood, his own cousin, who was four years elder to him, how mad
he was about movies since his youth and so many things!! While he was in
London, he watched about 300 movies and was influenced greatly by Hollywood and
its techniques.. Vittorio De Sica’s
“The Bicycle Thief” was one such movie which influenced him. He was mesmerized by
the neo-realistic genre and how De Sica had the movie
made with mostly non-professional actors but with great perfection.. Ray decided to give his own movie which slowly he was
conceiving in his mind, the same treatment. After he returned he decided to
shoot for “Aam Atir Bhepu”, a childrens version
of the book “Pather Panchali” by

Bibhuti Bhusan Bandyopadhyay, which he got to read while drawing its
cover page and pictures for the Signet Press. He chose his friend from The
Calcutta Film Society, Subrata Mitra to be
the cinematographer of the movie and chose to direct himself..
With mere luck and God’s blessings, inspite of having
hard times, he could finish the film and then, there was no looking back.. Let me share another fact, that Ravi Shankar, the wizard
of Sitar composed it’s background score and recorded
them at the same time, nonstop, at a stretch in 11 hours, to meet the dead
lines of a foreign film festival.

There are so many things, so many, to tell about him… which I
will in due course.. I end this post here and promise
to write more on Ray soon…

 

To be continued…